I did not want to smile... I was upset about leaving my friends and our nice big house with a yard and the neighborhood where I could ride my bike and play with friends behind to move to a small apartment on the other side of town and start at another school where I had to make new friends and figure out where I fit in again. I did not completely understand why we had to leave the house and move and start over... But I was supposed to be happy and smile, when I was far from being happy or wanting to smile.
I was supposed to SMILE, because no one needed to know that I was unhappy about changing schools again, moving again, or leaving behind people and things I knew to have to discover new things... this has been a theme for my life since then...
After watching the below video, I realized that I "smile" through lots of things and don't show what is truly happening on the inside until I have dug a hole to deep to get out of on my own... and then I have trouble asking for help.
Look at my social media, you might think I have a fairly perfect life with a loving husband and a baby who is happy 24/7. You might think this because I post pictures of my 4 month old daughter almost everyday and talk about how happy she is...But what I don't post is how she just spit up all me or had an epic diaper that required the whole car seat to taken apart and washed and dried by hand because our washer died the night before or how I feel alone even though I am surrounded by my little family, scared that none of them love or even like me and when I am about to lose my mind in sadness or lash out in anger over something that makes no difference in grand scheme of things ...
This video has helped me realized that I need to be more transparent in my struggles and not just my joys... it will not be easy for me because I am use to posting nothing but happy things but I want to be brave and challenge myself to connect with the world that feels so far away.
Thank you Mikel for showing me that life is not perfect and that it is ok to share the non-perfectness that life is.
